Friday, September 13, 2013

Dear Daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you. And Spongebob too, for that matter.

Inspired by this viral blog post via Roadkill Goldfish.

Kevin Mazur/WireImage
Dear Daughter,

You don’t exist yet so this is kind of awkward.  But I want to share my opinion and I think posting a letter on your blog to your offspring, regardless of if they can read it, is how you do it.

Let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you, the same as Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy and Spongebob Squarepants.  No, doctors do not always have perfect hair and sea sponges do not live in pineapples under the sea.  And what Miley does on stage has pretty much nothing to do with real life.

I’m not telling you that it is cool to grind up on married, middle aged men.  But I’m also not going to overwhelm you with borderline illegal threats involving duct tape if you ever consider doing something like what Miley Cyrus did at the VMAs.  Why?

Because Miley Cyrus’s performance was just that: a performance.  And really, as far as an entertainer’s goals go, I think she nailed it.  Obviously she isn’t winning a spot on the “2013 Young Humanitarians List” or on her grandparent’s mantle, but I don’t think that is what she was going for.  I think her goal as a performer and an entertainer was the same as most people’s in her industry (and most other industries): to sell her product.

And she’s selling it.  She turned twerking in front of teddy bears and making out with sledgehammers into a national sensation.  She has more people Googling her than Syria.  She has twenty-somethings in Chicago watching her YouTube video after dinner.  She has middle aged women writing about her on their blogs.

Was Miley’s twerking a misguided soul’s desperate plea for attention or was her VMA performance an act put on by her alter stage ego, Bad Hair Betty, friend of Beyonce’s Sasha Fierce?  I don’t know, but neither does most of America.

The point is, pre-fetus future daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you.  And that lesson is that if you’re looking for life lessons, don’t look on the stage at the VMAs.  Because that’s not real life.

Also, I give you permission to disregard any parental advice I give you via the internet.

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