Thursday, October 10, 2013

three real world drinking games

So you graduated college and you're in the real world now, where bouncing quarters off the bar top isn't cool; it's just annoying.  The thing is, you finished college but your bank account didn't get the memo... so you still need something to help get down that Bud Light.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a huge drinker (two Blood Mary's at brunch is a wild weekend for me).  But that doesn't mean I don't like a good drinking game.  I am American, after all.

So for those of you out there with a drawer full of ping pong balls you can no longer use, cheer up: here's three drinking games that are 100% real-world approved.

Game One

Assuming that you don't live in a Disney movie, wedding mush might make you feel a bit nauseous.  This game makes the ordeal a bit more enjoyable.

Derrick and I made this one up in Ohio last weekend at his dad's cousin's wedding.  We ended up playing a modified version (that is, Derrick stayed the sober DD while I drank Franzia and danced with 52 of his relatives), but here is the original.

A boyfriend (or date)
A glass of alcohol (not too strong... or maybe pretty strong after all)

1. Circle the reception venue for an hour with your boyfriend and a red Solo cup full of your favorite drink.
2. Take a sip of alcohol every time you hear:

"So will this be you two next?"
"Not too long before we're at your wedding."
"Ready to go catch that bouquet?"

... or any similar reference to your wedding that doesn't exist yet.

3. Finish your drink every time someone assumes that you're already married.

Bonus: Find the bartender and get a shot of something strong every time you run across the rogue relative who's been singing "Sitting in a Tree" wrong since kindergarten and cuts straight to when you'll start having kids.

Game Two

Even though our neighborhood is undeniably land of Da Bears, Derrick and I still enjoy our Sunday NFL brunches at local sports bars.  I don't expect everyone in the room to have cried over a playoff loss or have a Fantasy team, but I also would appreciate a healthy respect and general understanding of what's going on.

Yet every week, there's always that girl giggling over her salad at a SnapChat or the guy wearing a Real Madrid jersey (this is America, dude).  And because of these people, we have this game.

There's a time and a place for checking you mascara and flirting with your man.  Sunday NFL brunch is not it.

A brunch cocktail
A friend
A sports bar crowd

1. Find yourself a seat somewhere with a good view of the bar.
2. Every time you see a girl checking herself out, take a drink.  (Two drinks for every selfie you catch.)
3. Every time two guys fist bump, your partner takes a drink.
4. Both of you finish your drink every time a Jags fan goes unreasonably nuts over a first down.  At least one of you should leave the bar happy.

 Game Three

There's no point in denying it: I'm a runner.  So even though I love a Bloody Mary or a glass of Chardonnay, sometimes I need to hydrate.  This games is for those times.

Two Nalgene bottles filled with water
Duct tape
Lots of carbs

1. Tape one Nalgene bottle to each hand
2. Tell everyone you come in contact with that you're a runner and that you're running in a marathon this weekend.  (But let's be real, you do that anyway.)
3. Drink every time someone asks:

"So how fast can you run a mile?"
"How long is your marathon?"

The game's over when your pee is clear.

And that's a wrap.

Good luck to everyone running in the Chicago Marathon this weekend.  I wish you all good weather, short port-o-pot lines, and lots of beer when you're finished.
Just for you guys, I'm linking up with Whitney for #backthatazzup with a classic pump-up jam.  And if you're not running in the marathon, get pumped anyway... it's the weekend.  Cheers!

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