Monday, October 7, 2013

A Wedding Guide: How to be a Good Guest at a Stranger's Wedding

It's fall and if there's one thing girls like this time of year more than pumpkin, it's weddings.

My Pinterest homepage is maxed out on wedding crafts that no bride will ever make and every other link on Facebook or Twitter is some guide on "How to be the Perfect Bride" or "How to be the Perfect Wedding Guest" or really just any combination of the words "wedding" and "perfect" (and lots of sparkles to lure in the less literate brides-to-be).

I ignore most of these lists because they're usually either unnecessary ("arrive on time" is pretty much a universal rule) or just plain wrong ("drink responsibly"?  Everyone knows that the Mayans invented the first wedding just as an excuse for irresponsible drinking).

But after spending the weekend in the middle of back country Ohio (Derrick's dad's hometown) to gather with a bunch of people I've never met celebrate the marriage of two people I don't know, I realize that I should have read up a little.

So instead of just recapping my weekend, I'm going to be a little more helpful with:

1. If the wedding involves a road trip, make sure to take a lot of pictures at random rest stops.  Otherwise, you might not remember that Mountain Dew you had at rest stop number two that was the reason for rest stop number three an hour later.

Or even more unfortunately, you won't have any pictures like this:

Or maybe that'd actually be ok.

2. Fuel right the night before.  There's a good chance that visiting your date's family and friends will turn into a few trips down memory lane, where you're unfamiliar and don't have a map.  Capitalize when you can; when your boyfriend takes you to meet some family at their favorite, infamous pizza joint, use the blissful reunion of cross country relatives as a distraction to eat an entire pizza unnoticed.

3. If you're in an unfamiliar area, find a place that will make you feel more "at home."  For example, if you're in the middle of the countryside and don't get enough service to stay on top of your Twitter feed, find a local coffee shop to get your daily fix; with all of the "pumpkin" and exclamation points, you'll feel like you never left your computer.

4. Pre-game a few hours before.  You can start ripping shots, but I wouldn't suggest it because you're going to be spending a few hours pretending to remember 245 new names and you're probably gonna want to be sober for that.  I'd suggest pre-gaming on endorphins with a short run while your boyfriend plays a strictly "no girls allowed" softball game with his cousins.  That way, you can take the necessary touristy pictures.

And meet some of the locals.

Extra points if you can time it right so that you eat lunch 15 minutes before your run.  That way, you can stop at a farm house two miles from your hotel to ask to use their bathroom and really maximize your awkward interaction with complete strangers time.

5. Wear the correct attire.  If it's your family, I'd suggest you do what Derrick and his dad did and dress completely alike.  That's the most effective way of confusing the relatives you haven't seen in a decade.  Hell if you're going to let them tell you apart so easily.

If you don't have a family member to coordinate with, just go with the classic completely seasonally inappropriate dress.  For example, if it's an October wedding, I suggest the summer fiesta sundress.

6. At the ceremony, say as little as possible, smile as much as your jaw will allow, and find some bubbles.  Your unseasonable outfit may not have made you a hit with the adults, but you'll fit right in at the kids' table.

7. And at the reception, let loose.  Find some boxed wine, dance with your boyfriend's grandma, get some Taco Bell on the way home, and forget to take pictures of any of it.

Happy Monday!  Think of it as your weekend after-party and live it up!

Also, today I'm linking up with Sami at Sami's Shenanigans because who doesn't like reading about 70 other girls' weekend shenanigans? ;)

1 comment:

  1. Welk that was quite the weekend girl... I'cd have to skip the boxed wine though or the would be peeling me off the