Wednesday, November 20, 2013

a runner in the gym: the 5 types of people in spinning class

Over my last month being benched from running, I've had to look to other places to get my "fix" (and also to keep my butt in check).  Among other workouts, I've become a regular at the Tuesday and Thursday 5:45 AM spinning class.

I've spent a solid three weeks now living this "alternative" lifestyle so I'm beginning to pick up on some trends.  What I find most surprising is that the room is generally almost full.  The thing is, it's not always the same people.

I've noticed that in every crowd, though, you can always pick out the people who are "that guy," i.e.:

This girl is always easy to spot because she walks in about 15 minutes late.  I stress the word "walk;" she is not particularly bothered that we're already a quarter of the way through the class.  Really, I'd put her pace at more of a saunter.

She saunters in, leisurely takes off her sweats, and gets on a bike (usually in the front row).  She then proceeds to cycle at her own pace in complete disregard to anything happening in the room.  The song's 30 beats per minute?  100 beats per minute?  Does it really matter?

There's always the one lady who got lost on her way to Europe and somehow ended up in LA Fitness.  You know who this lady is before the class even begins because she's the only one who remembered her wind resistance minimizing performance top and compression shorts.

You can try asking her for some tips but I wouldn't bother; once she clips in her high performance cycling shoes, she has no time for amateur hour.

I don't know if it's the fact that it's 5:45 am, that cycling isn't "manly", or if it's that the instructor is a middle aged man wearing questionably tight cycling shorts.  Whatever it is, 5:45 AM spinning around here is a mainly girls only affair.

However, there's always that one guy in the class.  He's generally making himself as small as possible in the back corner just hoping that he doesn't catch any of our estrogen.

I'm not Lance Armstrong but even I understand that there's a difference between a resistance of 2 and of 8 (although I still find it a bit fuzzy; they all feel like 10's to me).

But there's always that one girl who either hasn't mastered the resistance knob on the bike yet or else has no physical limitations.  Instructor says go at a 2?  Her legs are going faster than free pizza at a frat house. Instructor says turn it up to a 9?  The rest of the class is struggling to turn the pedals while Ms. Roadrunner evidently feels no pain.

This girl's easy to spot because she shows up in a pair of Asics and a Turkey Trot 2012 tee.  She's always 2 beats behind the rest of the class and has the look on her face that says, "Is my butt out far enough?"  She generally has no idea what's going on but she learns quickly to never ask question and to avoid eye contact with the instructor at all costs.

She generally cycles with the grace of a newborn baby giraffe but hell, at least she's doing something.


Happy Hump Day!  Just keep spinning... I'm sure we'll get somewhere eventually.

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