Friday, November 15, 2013

four running things even runners can't explain

Did you know that I run?  I might have mentioned it.  Or I might have beaten that poor, arthritic horse with the bad knees to death.

But just in case you're new around here, I run. Not so much in the literal, present tense of the verb (thanks, hamstring) but once you're a runner, you're always a runner which means you always "run."

It also means that you were and always will be nuts. I wrote a post before about all of the weird and annoying crap that runners do; that post sums a lot of it up but it doesn't completely explain why we're all a bit mental.  The stuff on that list, while really annoying and weird, is also somewhat logical.

(I mean, you really can't be ripping shots before a long run or else you'll be way too dehydrated.  It's annoying but you can pull out the ol' science card to back you up.)

But some things even we can't explain.


This post is just to clear up any remaining doubt on where runners fall on the completely bonkers scale.


You know when you see someone outside shoveling snow off the driveway in -4 degree windchill and you think, "I really wish that was me"?  No, you don't.  Because that shiz looks horrible and no one wants to be out there doing that.

Yet whenever I see a runner from my office window or read someone's post-long run Facebook status, out comes the green-eyed running Grinch of Chicago (BFF of Nikki, my hangry alter-ego).

I know all too well how sweaty, tiring, and gastrointestinally upsetting a long run can be and I curse the days that I'm scheduled to be out there longer than two How I Met Your Mother episodes.  But that doesn't stop me from being jealous of anyone else out there when I'm not.

So two bonkers points for me.


I'm in my early twenties.  My "good" clothes are from Target, I eat eggs for dinner, and I shamefully buy one-ply toilet paper.  I'm fresh out of the "Mom Pays for That" stage of my life; that's just the way it works.

Yet whereas half of my outfits come from Target (the other half from H&M and second hand thrift shops), I don't blink an eye dropping $120+ for a new pair of Asics.  Ask me to spend $30 on a cotton tee shirt under regular circumstances and you'll get a sock to the gut.  But tack on a 5K and suddenly, $30?  No problem.  Hell, throw in some long sleeves and an extra 23 miles and I'll give you $150 more.

When it comes to running, runners just forget how money works.  So that's another five bonkers points for all of us.


For two weeks, you're ordered to eat more carbs, exercise less, and maybe do some yoga.  It's the collective dream of the stereotypical female population.  But ask a runner to do it during her taper and you get a cross between a protective, nursing gorilla and a woman on her period.

Get irrationally cranky because you have to relax more? You're either a nut-job or a runner.  Or is there a difference?  Seven more bonkers points.


This wonderful country of ours designates one day for excusable gluttony and football, and what do runners do? We get together and run around for an hour or two first. Is that what the pilgrims had in mind when they watched the first Lions game back in the 1600's?

I don't think so.  57 more bonkers points.

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So after some rough calculations, that leaves runners with 71 bonkers points.  

For those of you who would like a visual to see just how truly illogical that is:


And once we've reached bearded men wearing pug shirts, it's time to stop.

Happy Friday!
The Ravens play the Bears this weekend.  Pray for me - brunch could get ugly.

Linking up with Sarah because she's the coolest cat on the internet.  Also linking up with Whitney because I really need to back my azz up.



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