Wednesday, November 13, 2013

this isn't what you think it is

Most of you probably woke up today thinking that it was November 13, 2013.

Well, you were right.  But you weren't completely right; actually, today is formally November 13, 2013, The 4 Year Anniversary of the Day Derrick and Nicole Awkwardly Became “Official.”

So to celebrate this significant day,  I’m going to tell you all a story that absolutely isn’t related to how we fell in love and definitely is not just our story with the names changed.  (Because that would be sappy.)


So let me tell you a story about two college sophomores named Wendy Acko and Gregory Oswald Alie (I’ll call them W. Acko and G. O. Alie for short.)  W. Acko and G. O. Alie both happened to be college athletes, both happened to be in the 2 PM fall semester Organic Chemistry 2 lecture, and both were neighbors in the same dorm building.

But for most of that semester, W. Acko and G. O. Alie didn’t talk much.  In fact, the only time they had any real interaction was when W. Acko and her roommate Nelsie Ut, known as N. Ut, demanded that their three soccer player neighbors join them in a game that they invented called “Throw the Ball Around According to the Rules that We Make Up on the Spot” (a game often confused with “Publicly Look Like Fools”).

Based on this experience, it’s surprising that G. O. Alie didn’t object when W. Acko sat herself down next to him a few weeks later in class.  He did seem a little hesitant at first but before long, they were having the typical “attempting subtlety but really so obviously flirtatious” pen fights, water fights, etc. Basically, a lot of chemistry just not the Organic type.


Neither of them was especially looking for a relationship: G. O. Alie was just getting out of one and W. Acko was too busy running and being a general haphazard mess to be tied down.  But before they knew it, W. Acko was in G. O. Alie’s dorm room “studying” chemistry.

You can read on, Mom; this isn't getting scandalous.  What they were really doing was watching the Ravens game.  Specifically, they were watching the Ravens’ pitiful attempt at football against the Minnesota Vikings. For anyone who doesn't remember that game back in ‘09, they lost off a missed field goal by Steven Hauschka.

That might seem like a trivial detail to you but W. Acko was absolutely devastated.  Although she wanted to impress G. O. Alie, she was too overcome by emotion to consider how psychotic she looked as she bolted out of the room muttering death threats to no one in particular.

Yet G. O. Alie didn't seem to mind.  In fact, they began spending increasingly more time together over the next few weeks despite W. Acko's occasional outbursts and unfortunate propensity for blueberry pancake breakfasts (of the most teeth-staining variety) and smiling.


The thing was, W. Acko had never been in a serious relationship so she didn't know how these things worked.  She thought that they might be a "thing" (I mean, they shared pancakes after all) but she wasn't sure.  So on Friday the 13th, she decided to clear things up midway through a "more-competitive-than-strictly-necessary" game of one-on-one soccer (birds and bees aside, neither of them took losing very well).

The conversation went something like this:

W. Acko: So, would you consider us, like, official?
G. O. Alie: Huh?
W. Acko: Would you consider us a couple?
G. O. Alie: Um, no.
W. Acko: Oh, yeah.  Me too.  Definitely not a couple.  That'd be weird.  Definitely.  Couple.  Weird. Look at this really interesting tree over there.  Bird.
G. O. Alie: But that's just because we haven't made it official.  I'd like to be a couple, if you do.
W. Acko: Yeah, I do.

So that was that, the most awkward but perfectly perfect "relationship talk" in the history of halftime relationship talks.  Who would have thought that four years later, a completely unrelated couple would be living  together hundreds of miles away in Chicago?


I guess the old saying is true: the best things in life start out with blueberry pancakes and football.

Happy Hump Day!  I'm giving you permission to be extra sappy on this special day.

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