Thursday, January 30, 2014

An Open Letter:
How Do You Like Me Now?

To the Editors of the Skimm:

Hi again.  It's me, Nicole.  Remember me?

In case you don't: I'm that girl who emailed you last week in response to your help wanted ad.  You see, I am an avid fan of your daily email newsletter.  It's the easiest, fastest, and most entertaining way to stay up on current events, after all.  I don't go a day without reading it.

So when I saw on your blog that you were looking to hire an editor, I immediately knew I was the woman for the job.  After all, I'm more up-to-date on current events than most people's Twitter feed and punctuation is my favorite hobby.

Needless to say, I was a bit let down when you told me that you were looking for someone with more "traditional  newsroom experience."  I can only assume that you overlooked the part of my resume where I mentioned my impressive stint with my high school newspaper.  (I challenge you to try making cafeteria hamburgers sound interesting.)

But not only was I disappointed with the rejection, I was also worried for your sake.  I don't know an easy way to put this, Skimm'rs, so I'm just going to say it: you're losing your touch.  Just yesterday, as I read your Wednesday newsletter, I spotted several key stories that you just blatantly ignored.

I don't know how or why you let them slip but I know for a fact that if I had been your editor, this never would have happened.

That being said, I've put together a little list of the headlines you overlooked yesterday.  I'm still bitter about your poor hiring decisions but I don't think that your readers should suffer as a result.  So really, this is more for them than it is for you.

Background Image Source
Congress Still Unable to Agree if Richard Sherman Considers Himself the Best
Obama threatens to take steps "without legislation" to settle the matter
Panic in Georgia after Winter Storm Makes Sidewalk Cracks Undetectable
Hundreds of backs are reportedly broken as a result

Unrest in Gym Classes Across America as First Graders Demand Union Representation

"If Northwestern can do it, we can too!" cries one six-year-old

International Community Still Unsure How to Handle Conflict in Syria
Representative Michael G. Grimm (R) suggests we just throw them off a balcony
Obama Promises to Limit Use of Unmanned Drones After Two were Reported Accepting a Grammy for "Album of the Year"
Matt Sayles/Invision/AP
Nicole Remains Sarcastic Despite Protests by her more Literal Blog Readers
"What else were you expecting?!" she argues

I'm sure my offer letter will be coming any day now.


Happy Friday's Eve!

Lose Yourself to Dance (feat. Pharrell Williams) by Daft Punk on Grooveshark

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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