Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Another Controversial Post

If you read my post last Friday, you might be waiting to hear if my sass landed me a spot on GOMI.  Well, I haven't thoroughly combed every thread but from what I can see... still nothing.

To be clear, I don't actually want to be on GOMI.  Cyberbullying is not cool and isn't something I want to be a part of, on either end.  But if the irony of my post on Friday did not impress you, don't blame me; Jonathan Swift told me to do it.  (Well, I guess technically he only modestly proposed that I do it, but whatever.)

The fact is though that I'm sure many bloggers slept through that ninth grade English lesson and so they didn't appreciate my satire.  And I'm sure as a result, a lot of people were scandalized.  Like, "Man, this chick is asking for anonymous internet bullies to to talk about her split ends.  She must love controversy."

The thing is, I've never really been all that confrontational.  But I won't lie; all Friday, I had a little extra bounce in my step knowing that I was the little controversial engine that could.  It was a bit thrilling waking up Saturday, wondering if my hideous zebra sweater would be front page GOMI.

But now that the high's worn off, I want more.  I don't want to stay in the lines anymore; I want to excite and offend, thrill and shock.  Hey, that's what Miley did and look at everything she's got.  (A really cool haircut, for starters.)

So I did a little brainstorming over the weekend on how I can incorporate a bit more scandal into my life.  I still have some work to do but I think this should get me going for now.

1.  Order a BLT without the lettuce.

2.  Go through stop signs with a rolling stop.

3.  Wash my dark and light laundry in the same load.

4.  Flagrantly wear white after Labor Day.

5.  Make a banana split, without the banana.

6.  Have brunch without a Bloody Mary.  (Hah... gotcha!)

7.  Deliberately pass "Go" on the way to jail.  Maybe even flirt with the idea of collecting $200.

8.  Talk about Richard Sherman.  Specifically, politely question his status as the best corner in the league.

9.  Walk on the left side of the sidewalk.

10.  Eat a piece of pizza crust first.

11.  Buy an non-organic tomato.

12.  Take a 62 minute lunch hour.

13.  Write a blog post without a pinnable picture.  Maybe even no picture at all.

14.  Ask Taylor about the chances of us possibly ever, ever getting back together.

15.  Ask Ralph Lauren to design literally anything, ever again.

16. End a list with something complete unrelated, like a hot dog.

I'm still new to this whole controversial thing but I'm just getting started, so don't think that this will be the end of the scandal around here.  I have a few more tricks up my sleeve that I think you will enjoy.

Or is this me being ironic again?

It's Tuesday, probably the most uncontroversial day of the week.
Lighten up a bit... it could always be worse.
It could be Monday.

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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  1. I was very offended by this post, very controversial... specifically the picture of the hotdog. I'm not one to bully either so, I'll just say watch it with the random hotdog pictures lady! ;)

  2. After Friday and today you're my favorite like ever. The new controversial you...giving Miley a run for her money!

  3. I don't know what kind of scandal your starting here lady but a banana split just isn't a banana split without a banana. Just order a sundae on Saturday... Alright?