Monday, January 27, 2014

Blog Reader Appreciation Series Part 15: Rocks

There's nothing quite as infuriating as broken promises.  Like when Al Gore told us that the globe was warming.  Or when ol' Barry told us we could keep our health insurance plan if we wanted.

These lies make our dropped health coverage and our polar vortex-ed extremities that much more maddening.  So as the biggest winter grump of them all, I promised myself that I would never make a promise I couldn't keep.

But I did.  Last week, after I wrote that gloppy, mushy, personal post about Derrick, I promised one of my most dedicated readers, Haley, that I would cut that crap out.  Specifically, I promised that the next day I would talk about something much less sappy.  I said I would talk about rocks.

Yet I didn't talk about rocks.  Didn't even have the courtesy to mention them, in fact.  And even now as I sit down with the sole intention of writing about rocks, I still have nothing to say.

Frankly, I think rocks suck.  They really don't do much of anything for me unless I'm trapped in a glass house.  And even in that situation, I think I'd prefer a stone.

So this Blog Reader Appreciation is dedicated to all the Haleys out there, the one's who've been lied to, deceived, and all together let down.  I know you were expecting rocks and dead polar bears, but this is the best I can do.

So no matter who has lied to you and what they've lied about, relax.  I've got something here for you.

...And then you found out that they're just spinning around like the rest of us.  What a let down!

Bad Lip Reading Is Back with Another Hilarious NFL Version

I beg to differ; it worked out pretty well for this guy.

I Wish This Guy Was My Neighbor... He's Hilarious!

... But after you read these heartfelt cards, you know that can't be true.

Horrible Cards: Love Edition

Lies!  They're actually sort of easy.
#1. Easy Homemade Pizza Rolls via Bev Cooks
#2. Easy Entertaining: Chili Bar via The Party Dress
#3. Brown Sugar Smokies via Lil Luna

That's just plain wrong.  I mean, even wizards have to deal with everyday annoyances like spam mail.

Spam from Hogwarts

Again, lies.  That title belongs to Atherton.

The police blotter of Atherton is full of mystery and intrigue (20 HQ Photos)

Well, "bad" might be a bit strong... but all brunches are definitely not created equal.

In our quest to try every brunch in Chicago, we landed at the Moneky's Paw this Sunday.  I had high hopes for the Paw.  High hopes, indeed.

Yelp reviewers had a lot of good things to say about it, after all.  And at first glance, from the tree-lined neighborhood streets, its extremely appropriate sign, and its "ski lodge in the Rockies" atmosphere... well, high hopes.

Even as I was sipping on my Bloody Mary, I thought we had found a keeper.  The Mary was fancy, but not in a "trying too hard" sort of way.  It was spicy but not overwhelming, thick but not too "marinara sauce," and the garnish was spot on.

If it's not immediately obvious, what you're looking at is the Monkey's Bloody Mary: "Vodka, House Bloody Mix, Dark Beer, Spiced Bacon Rim, Sport Pepper, Spicy Pickled Pineapple, Grilled Green Onion, Cedar Grove Cheddar, and Spanish Chorizo."

I was all ready to give it a 4.5 celery stalk review but that quickly fell apart once we got our food.  I just won't disgrace the celery stalk scale with such subpar fare.

I ordered the BLT&E: "Nueske's Bacon, Egg, Gem Lettuce, Fried Green Tomato, Hook’s Cheddar, Pepper Mayo, and Sourdough Bread."  It sounds lovely and I'm sure it would have been.  Unfortunately, that's not what I got.  I got the BBBBL&ET: "Bread Bread Bread Bread Lettuce & a dollop of egg and tomato."

I guess they ran out of bacon on Sunday.  That or they forgot it because there was none to be found on my sandwich.  It had such potential but alas, I ended up just eating an egg-topped fried green tomato.

The fries were good though and I think the ketchup was homemade, which was a nice touch.  So I guess not all was lost.

Derrick over there got the skillet.  "Scrambled Eggs, Signature Breakfast Potatoes, Peppers & Onions, Aged Cheddar, Buttermilk Biscuit, and House-Made Breakfast Sausage Gravy."  It looked delicious and Derrick said that it tasted good.  But he also said, and I quote, "If I wanted the Kid's Meal, I would have asked."

But it is a cute little thing, isn't it?

Overall: sorry, Monkey's Paw, no celery stalks for you.  You have an extremely sweet staff (we particularly enjoyed the little old lady who stopped us to chat before we left), a pleasant atmosphere, and clean bathrooms... but your skillets do not impress.

Good thing there's next Sunday though.  And even if my sandwich next week is missing key elements as well, at least I'll be missing them with this guy.

The high for today is 1.  Why, Chicago, why?

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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