Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Blogging and Running: They're Really the Same Thing

If you're not a runner, you probably don't read when I post about running and exercise.

And I don't blame you, really.  If you aren't passionate about running, you recognize that all I'm really talking about is repeatedly putting one foot in front of the other.  Unless you've just stolen something or are being chased by an animal bigger than you, you don't have much use for it at all... right?

Wrong!  I know that I should have told you earlier, but running and blogging are actually the same thing. So every time you've thought to yourself, "Nope, no bears behind me today," and skipped over my post... you've actually been "marking as read" the most relevant post to your blog after my tutorial on how to grow your blog's readership.

Not convinced?  Let me explain.

1.  When I talk about cross-training, I'm actually talking about... Twitter.

You've most likely heard a runner mention cross-training, that strange phenomenon when you do things that aren't running to make you better at running.  And as a non-runner, you think that only someone who has run in racing briefs could come up with something so aggravatingly contradictory.

But what you don't know is that when I'm talking about things like spinning classes and body weight squats, what I'm actually talking about is Twitter.  You see, Twitter isn't technically blogging yet one of the 10 Blogging Commandments is, "Thou shall mercilessly tweet."  It's something you do to grow your blog without actually blogging.

And let's face the facts here, people: if you're a blogger not on Twitter, you're at the wrong party.

2.  When I talk about injuries, I'm actually talking about... Blogger.

I know that anyone who has ever used Blogger has felt the "Blogger feeling."  You know, the "I just wrote a 600 word post and want to click save but there's an error and no matter what I do this post won't save and I have no idea why but this laptop is about 13 seconds away from being out that window because NOTHING WORKS" feeling.  That one.

It's like this: you work your butt off, do everything right, down to the very last HTML tag... and things just don't work.  That's exactly how a runner feels about an injury.  You train hard for months and months, logging the miles, icing the shins, stretching the IT band... and then in the blink of an eye, your hamstring's pulled and Google Chrome is asking you to refresh your browser.

Or something along those lines.  Either way, it isn't pretty.

3. When I talk about my GPS watch, I'm actually talking about... Google Analytics. 

No one wants to admit it, but it all comes down to stats in the end.  When you strap on your Garmin for a long run, you tell yourself that you absolutely won't look at your watch every quarter of a mile and you definitely will only check your pace once you're finished.

And then what do you know, half a mile into the run, you're pissed because you're 15 seconds slower than last week's pace.

The GPS watch is truly the Google Analytics of running.  Everyone tells you, "Don't worry about stats!  It will drive you crazy and it's not what really matters!"  And you believe it... until 15 minutes later, you're pounding your fists in front of the pageviews tab, wondering, "IS ANYONE EVEN LISTENING?!"

4. When I talk about racing, I'm actually talking about... Link-ups.

Running is all about camaraderie, about sharing a wholesome charity 5k race with your fellow runners to support the "Sick Puppies of America Foundation" with a little friendly rivalry.  It's about community and personal growth; it's the epitome of man helping his fellow man.

Just kidding.  It's all about throwing some bows at the starting line because hell if you're going to let Mr. Singlet McGee over there beat you.

Think about it this way, bloggers: do you put your link on that weekly link-up as a tribute to your fellow bloggers?  No, Mother Teresa, you do it because you're out there to show those others linkers who's boss in this blog town.

We'll stop there for now with these four reasons because frankly, that quickly escalated into something much more violent than I intended.  I'm going to take a cool down now, and listen to the Rocky Theme Song as I get my post ready for Sarah's Fan Friday link-up in a few days.

But hopefully now if that post involves running, you won't skip right over it.  Because I'm going to win that link-up even if I have to trip a few blogger behind the trees to do it.

Happy Wednesday!  Keep running/blogging away.

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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1 comment:

  1. This post is genius. So glad I found you! Nadine from Back East Blonde raved about you. Love this!