Friday, January 17, 2014

Sitting is the New Smoking

Way back when I was just an onlooker of the blog world, Lindsay's blog, The Lean Green Bean, was one of the few blogs I knew about.  And I stalked it religiously.  I was convinced that one day, I too would be able to come up with and actually make healthy meals just like she did.

And I got pretty close; the only thing holding me back was that I can't cook.

Ok, you got me: me preparing a meal that remotely resembles something from her site is unlikely.  The same way that my Cockapoo learning Portuguese is unlikely.

I still read Lindsay's blog though because a girl can dream, right?  And also because every once in a while, she posts something that is Nicole-proof.

For example, she recently posted this post about moving more throughout the day.  Apparently, sitting is the new smoking.  Which is pretty alarming because I have a desk job and am very much a chain-sitter.  I didn't want to believe it but it's true: Runner's World says so.  And one does not question Runner's World.

 Lindsay recommends to move around for 5 minutes every hour and even gives some really great mini-workouts you can do from home.

Source: The Lean Green Bean
The thing is, when I say I have a "desk" job I mean that I have a "desk in the middle of the office without any means of hiding the fact that I'm doing 15 squat jumps every hour" job.  I was about to file this away with her Breakfast Enchilada Casserole under "Things I Can't Do" when I had an idea.

Even if I couldn't reasonably do planks at my desk, I could still do something.  So I started brainstorming ways I could be active for 5 minutes.

I thought that it was going really well until I realized that it wasn't.  At all.

I was about to give up trying but then, like the time I thought to try Worcestershire sauce on yellow corn, inspiration suddenly struck.  And I'd like to tell you that this revelation turned out better than my "creative" food combinations...  But I cannot.

My idea was simple: go out into the stairwell and walk up and down for five minutes.  So simple, so brilliant. So that's what I did: I grabbed my keychain (because that's where I keep my swipe card to get back into the office from the stairwell) and headed out.

Well, it turns out that only one of the two stairwells in my office has a pad for you to swipe back into the office.  And guess which stairwell I chose.

You know how some people hold it together well in stressful situations?  I don't.  In fact, if I'm faced with even a slightly less than ideal situation, I panic at a level fives times the level of the actual threat, and usually do a good bit of flailing around for good measure.

So that's what I did.  I swung my arms all around that locked door, waving that swipe card over every inch of it like I was directing a Boeing 737.  When that didn't work, I began pacing the floor thinking of ways to contact a lifeline.  Then, shortly after I had accepted my fate as a lonely stair dweller for the rest of my days, I was struck with yet another wave of inspiration: try more doors.

And that is how I spent 15 minutes trying to kick down 16 different doors on 16 different office building floors.  Finally, I reached the ground floor door and saw what was one of the most beautiful yet worrisome sights I could imagine: a big red glowing Exit sign.  Beautiful because it meant that I wouldn't be living off of stairwell rats for the rest of my life, worrisome because I was 65% sure it was a fire exit.

But in troubled times, you get desperate.  So I risked being the cause of 22 levels of Chicagoans needing to evacuate for a false fire alarm and tentatively pushed at the door.

Thank God, nothing happened.  So I burst through it, honestly so relieved that I was back in the heated lobby.... until I realized that I had just burst into the doorman hangout.  Judging by the looks on the doormen's faces, I imagine that not many people come bursting through that door.

So I did what anyone would do after bursting through a door that they should not be bursting through: I acted like they were the weird ones.  Like, "What? Don't you know that I always come bursting through this door at 3:15?  Get back to work."

And so they got back to work and I got on an elevator back up to floor 16, greeting a very confused receptionist who never saw me leave the office to begin with.

But I just strutted back to my desk like, "What? Don't you know this is the time I always come back up elevators I never went down?"

Maybe I should have just stuck with squat jumps.

Oh my god, it's here.

Here Comes the Weekend (feat. Eminem) by P!nk on Grooveshark

Linking up with Sarah and Whitney.

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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