Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The 4 Types of Exercisers

Early last Saturday morning, I was in quite a predicament: it was 12 degrees and I had a 14 mile run scheduled.  The forecast was calling for snow, a forecast that's probably as necessary as "plants will continue to produce oxygen this afternoon" at this point, but annoying nonetheless.

So the predicament was: do I spend 1.5+ hours running in the snowy, 8 degree windchill that afternoon or on the treadmill?  I, of course, could run at 8 AM to beat the snow.  But the windchill was 2 degrees at 8 AM. And it was also 8 AM at 8 AM.

It was a lose-lose situation for sure but in the end, I decided to brace the outdoors.

I'm sure that there are more hopeless feelings in the world than being 5.5 miles away from your apartment during a snowstorm with no cash, bus card, or means of getting home... but I couldn't tell you one.  I had been running with the wind for 5.5 miles but as soon as I turned around, life began to lose meaning.

There's only one word to describe the last half of my run; it begins with an "f" and it isn't "festive."  It is the same word that I stopped 2.5 miles from my apartment to scream out in the middle of the trail.

That run really got me rethinking some personal decisions.  It also got me thinking about all of the different types of exercisers out there.  I mean, there were other people out on the trail that afternoon and not all of them were screaming profanities.  Which is how I came up with this:


Because not all gym go-ers are created equal, after all.

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You know how most people try to avoid things like mud, barbed wire, and open flames?  Adrenaline Junkies pay money to spend a few hours racing through them.  While you probably heard about the polar vortex and thought, "Looks like I won't be going outside today," these people were wondering what the windchill will be when they add in the wind-factor from their tempo run later that afternoon.

Avoid these people at all costs because for them, "going out" isn't fun unless there's a real chance that they will be passing out.


You can easily recognize these people because they're the ones yelling obscenities in the middle of snowstorms.  They, like me, have a thought-out and practical training plan because they're usually exercising for a reason, whether it's to PR at their next race or undo years of cheap beer.

These people may enjoy exercise or they may not but once they have a plan, there's pretty much nothing that will put them off course.  Not a vacation, not an injury, not a flash snow storm.  These people are not to be confused with the Adrenaline Junkies; while both are out there in a blizzard, the Methodicals are hating every second of it.

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These people like exercising because it's fun.  They would rather spend happy hour at BodyPump than at a bar because no one in a bar does a clean-and-press when Lady Gaga comes on.

These people find all exercise enjoyable, from a cycling class to the elliptical.  They spend most of their time in group classes though, because that's the only place where their blissful bouncing doesn't make everyone around hate them.

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These people don't really like exercise but they don't know what else to do with their yoga pants.  Well, scratch that; they also wear their yoga pants while Instagramming their Starbucks skinny lattes with extra rainbow sprinkles.

These people are impressive unicorns that can pull off the impossible feat of exercising with their hair down while simultaneously texting.  They'd love to stay and chat but they can't because they're OMG, so tired from that awesome reflexion yoga class they just did.

Just kidding.  They can always stay and chat.



I suppose that someone could exercise moderately as one part of an all around healthy lifestyle.  But those people don't really exist.

The girls over there in the UGGs told me so.

Happy Tuesday.
It could be worse... it could be Monday.



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