Thursday, February 6, 2014

A Little Cloud of Funk

You may have read my semi-serious post yesterday and wondered where I went, and where I got some cheesy pseudo-Oprah to fill your head with mushy and slightly debatable relationship goo while I was gone.

The fact of it is that I was still here, but my mojo was gone.  By mojo, I mean the lighthearted, overwhelmingly sarcastic Nicole who likes to taunt people on GOMI and write about fried ride.

I’m not sure exactly where it went but I’d guess it’s most likely buried under that last foot of snow we got.  I very well could have dropped it while I was running half a block through that slushy, mid-Apocalypse mess to catch the bus (that I missed).  It wouldn’t surprise me; my hands were full carrying my WalMart-plastic-bagged lunch in one hand and securing my hat to my head in the other.  Wouldn't shock me at all if I dropped it in a pile of yellow snow.

But wherever it is, I haven’t found it yet.  I can usually find snark almost anywhere but not this week.  This week, I have a grey cloud of moving expenses and 6 AM treadmill sessions hanging over my head.  Things that I usually find amusing are now nothing but weak puffs of a unicorn fart… slightly entertaining but in the end, still just a fart.

Okay, I’m being dramatic.  That just shows you how much I’m missing my mojo though if I’m finding some sick satisfaction in imagining myself to be that little Zoloft oval.

With this little funk I’m in, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to actually suffer from depression.  The good thing about a funk though is that you can usually get yourself out of it.  Everyone has their own way of doing that but here is what usually works for me.

These are the things I do to get out of a funk:

1. Run.  Whoever said that running is cheaper than therapy was absolutely right.  I’d also imagine that it’s cheaper than drugs, with the added bonus that it won’t give you the munchies or land you in jail.

Ok, so actually it does occasionally give you the munchies… but justified munchies are just as rewarding as a runner’s high anyway.

2. Make an appropriate Pandora station.  I have a station for any imaginable situation: my “completely outraged, must smash things” station, my “I can’t run another mile but maybe if Macklemore keeps rapping I can” station, and my “love is so dreamy and everything is sparkly” station.  

And of course, I have my “I’m in a funk, look how mundane my life is as I sit here on this bus wearing damp gloves” station.  Ron Pope, Jason Mraz, and The Script do “a funk” like you wouldn’t believe.

3. Dance.  If you’re telling me that you never have a moment (or several prolonged moments) of dancing alone in your apartment, you’re probably lying.  But if you’re not, try it.  Just trust me.

4. Book a vacation to Portugal.  If you can afford an “escape” on LivingSocial or Groupon, why the heck not?  That’s what my friend, Erika, and I convinced ourselves on Tuesday, at least.  How long do you technically have to think about something before it’s no longer an impulse buy?

And here’s what doesn’t work:

1. Reading blogs.  I love blogs, as you may have assumed.  But when I’m in a funk, I don’t read other blogs because they usually just multiply my funk.  Like, “Why can’t I write something as good as that?”  Or “I wish I could start at Etsy shop like her.”  Or “My failure as a baker is so overwhelming that I can’t bear one more minute of the misery that is contemplating a life without homemade Valentine’s Day cookies.”

2. Getting on Pinterest.  Everyone online gets all worked up about “body-shaming” but what about “Pinterest-shaming?”  Aka that anxiety you get after an hour of pinning unattainable life projects.  You know, that feeling that you simultaneously need to re-decorate your house, bake a cupcake, buy a crockpot, start a fashion blog, and craft a baby bonnet for the child you don’t even have… all at once.  Nothing says funk like a DIY Pinterest board.

3. Eating chocolate.  Just kidding, this works.

So that’s that, a much longer than necessary list of mopery and blubbering.  Let’s hope I find that snark soon, before I start writing about relationships again.

In case you missed it, Thursday is happening.
Get out there and do something about it!

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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  1. Maybe this is super creepy but seriously Everytime I read your blog I love you more. I'm usually anti-list because I think they're a little over done but you are the exception to my rule in all of your hillarious glorious list perfection!

  2. Also I hope you're out of your unicorn Fart funk soon! I say if you can book that trip to Portugal, um hello, do it!