Friday, March 7, 2014

How to:
Stop Being Annoying and Get Stuff Done

One of the most infuriating things that anyone can say to someone else is: "I wish I could do ________ like you, but I just don't have time."  It's like the all-enraging humblebrag; you think you’re being sneaky but no one is fooled.

I mean, we all know that every person has exactly 24 hours a day for thing-doing.  So from years of deciphering Facebook humblebrags, let me translate: "I am just so busy doing all of my important things that I don't get to enjoy the luxuries that you non-important folk do, with your bountiful supply of free time."

You say these words to me and you are immediately put on my "shunned until further notice" list, right down there with telephone salesmen, people who don’t like Girl Scout cookies, and bloggers with bad grammar.

And a shunning from me is not fun because I am an active shunner.  Normally when one shuns, it is just a simple case of the cold shoulder.  But not me: my shunnery is aggressive and threatening.  You can bet I’ll be hoping you get caught in traffic on the way home and if you stub your toe, I will smile.

Okay, that's not completely true.  But seriously, don’t say that to me.  Especially because I’m about to help you out with some simple tips on how to have enough time to do ________.

1. Stop reading my blog.  Well, read this post then stop reading my blog.  Because I can guarantee you, looking at pictures of my brunch is not helping you run a marathon, get into medical school, become president, save the world... whatever it is you wish you had more time to do.

I don't want you to take this wrong; I appreciate each and every one of my readers more than I can explain.  What I'm saying is that some things, like blog reading, are spare time activities not to be enjoyed by the important folk with no spare time.

2. Become a morning person.  The best kept secret of mornings is that they also have thing-doing hours.  Getting up an hour earlier to start your thing-doing, whether that be working out or working on your blog, is a hard routine to get into.  But it's nothing that your body can't get used to, if you want it to.

Oh, and caffeine helps too.

3. Get a planner.  The nice thing about planners is that once something is written in one, it shall be so.  There is no undoing something written in a planner.  In fact, I'm pretty sure Moses had one with him on Mount Sinai when God was laying down the law.

At very least, you're much more likely to do something once you can see it written down and have a time set aside specifically for doing that thing.  You'll feel much more guilty watching six episodes of New Girl when your planner is telling you that it's workout time.

4.  Put the right things in your planner.  The other thing about planners is that scheduling a few hours to watch six episodes of New Girl doesn't work.  Other things that don't work: stalking your ex on Facebook, shopping at Victoria's Secret online, and looking at cat memes.  Being busy does not equal being productive.


Now, I totally understand that there simply isn't enough time to do everything (unless you're Justin Timberlake, that is).  What I'm saying is that if you really want to do something, you will make time.  I mean, Thomas Edison didn't think of the light bulb because he had nothing better to do.  (Then again, he didn't have Netflix... so maybe he really didn't.)

I once read somewhere (I can't remember where) that whenever you catch yourself saying "I don't have time for ________," to replace "I don't have time for" with "It's not my priority to."  If that doesn't feel right, then please refer to steps 1-4 above.

The only exception here is if you're a parent to a human who is less than three years old; in my book, as long as you're responsible for someone else's bodily functions, you have an automatic free pass on... well, everything.

Happy Friday.  Show it who's boss.
Linking up with Sarah and Whitney.

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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1 comment:

  1. I agree, unless you are a parent you do have time you just have to prioritize your time! It blows my mind how many girls I go to school with will say thigs like "how do you have time for blogging, I'm way too busy to write an extra essay everyday"...well I'm not out frat hopping m-f so there's my extra essay writing time! I'm not judging, just noting the difference of having time versus making time.