Tuesday, April 15, 2014

You Can Thank my Mom
(Breaking all the Rules)

I'm going to be honest with you all:  I had no idea what to write about today.  Actually, I didn't even want to write at all.

And I wouldn't have, if my mom hadn't texted me on Saturday and got on my case about not answering any of my blog comments on Friday.  (So commenters, you can thank my mom for your lovely thoughts not being lost in this this black hole of listless Nicole happening in Chicago.)

Now, there are some rules you break and some rules you don't break.  Rules you don't break: no neglecting blog readers, no neglecting your blog child in general, never ignore mom, seniors get back of bus privileges and freshmen carry the water... just to name a few.  We don't break these rules because these rules are the foundation upon which our society is built, and do you really want to be the cause of a societal breakdown?  It'd be like screwing up Obamacare, and just ask K. Sebs how that one turns out.

But that's not to say I don't flirt with a little bit of depravity from time to time.  I'm no goody two-shoes; I actually flout all sorts of rules, all the time.  Case in point:

You see me there, sitting alone in a club with my hands glued to my phone?  Not only am I breaking almost every social protocol.... if you look closely, I am also sitting behind a sign that very clearly reads "RESERVED: Kelsey S."

I go by many names but Kelsey, S. or otherwise, is not one of them.

And not only that, when the bouncer came over and asked me if I was Kelsey S., I was bold enough to hesitate a few seconds, as if to imply that maybe I was indeed Kelsey S.  (That was right before I said no, sorry, I'll leave... but that's not the point.)

The point is that although I might only be here because I am too scared of my mom not to be, I don't always operate this way.  I often, no regularly, disregard rules and regulations.  Stick it to the man, if you will.  And just in case that short anecdote of defiance didn't convince you, I have (predictably) thought of at least ten more ways I break rules all the time.  A lot of these I've done in the past week alone.

Sorry, Mom, it looks like you've raised a rebel.  Be careful what you ask for.

1.  I don't always eat breakfast within an hour of waking up.  The cardinal rule of every healthy living magazine that's ever graced an elliptical.  I've been known to wait two hours, sometimes even three or four, before breaking my fast.  And one time, I even skipped breakfast entirely and ate oatmeal for lunch.
2.  "Wash with like colors and lay flat to dry" who?
3.  I never don't pop pimples.  Just. Can't. Stop.
4.  I sometimes use double negatives.  See above.
5.  On Friday, right after the cashier at CVS told me to "have a nice day," I continued on to have one of the worst days of my life.  And I wasn't even sorry.
6.  The first time I saw Saving Private Ryan, I was sixteen.
7.  One time, I deliberately fed a pigeon.  (But in hindsight, I actually do sort of regret that one.)
8.  Sometimes when I play Clue, I am Colonel Mustard... and I still go first.
9.  My train conductor today told me to watch my step, and I still haven't even looked.  No step watching today, not for me.
10. Maybe I won't even respond to anyone's comments today.  Okay, okay... yes I will.

It's Tuesday.
Give it hell.

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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