Thursday, May 1, 2014

This Isn't Easy Anymore

For the past three weeks, blogging has been incredibly difficult for me.  I feel like every time I sit down to write, I end up staring at my hands for at least thirty minutes before I get something on the page.

The problem isn't that I don't have anything to write.  I have a million things going through my mind, stuff that I'm sure a lot of people would find interesting.  (I mean, the Kardashians have their own show; the bar isn't high.)

The problem is that for all of the thoughts buzzing around my brain, not one of them is lighthearted or funny.  My head is crammed full to the point where thoughts are dripping out of my ears, but they're much more Edgar Allan Poe than Shel Silverstein.

I think that some of the most interesting blog posts start with these deep, dark thoughts but as for me, I don't want to share them on my blog.

It's safe to say that the "voice" of Not Before my Tea is definitely silly as opposed to serious.  That's mainly due to that being my general state of being.  But it's also because I like keeping a bit of distance between my real life and my internet life.  Obviously, I share a lot of personal information on my blog, but I also keep the serious, "juicy" stuff to myself.

Honestly, I'm not exactly sure why.

Maybe all of those "Facebook is the Path to Unemployment" presentations in high school worked.  Maybe I'm afraid of anyone knowing too much.  Maybe it's just an extension of how I live my life, only "showing them what you want them to see."  I could just be afraid that someone's going to record what I say, give it to TMZ, and then I'll be fined $2.5 million, banned from the internet, and pressured into selling my blog.

Whatever the reason, I just don't want it out there.

But when you don't want the serious stuff out there, yet the serious stuff is all that's on your mind, you're left with a bit of a problem.  Funny lists become forced and no one likes a list that's trying too hard.  It's better off just staying home.

Writing silly nonsense has always been sort of a getaway for me, a way to avoid thinking about things like my future. My relationships. Where I'm headed and where I want to be going. Religion and faith. But lately, it's been more frustrating than relieving.  And that's when I start talking about cream based soups.

My point is that first world existential crises are much more difficult for a blogger, especially one who focuses mainly on Bloody Marys and sarcasm.  I guess I just wasn't planning on having one at least for another few years, when babies start flooding my Facebook feed.

So what's a girl to do?  Google says yoga, but I'm not convinced.

Want more tea? Have a second cup!
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